he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Did I show you my penis last night?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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