YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
