My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
