you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
