Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
