she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
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The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
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I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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