It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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