I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
