Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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