Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
