I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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