I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
