The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
