id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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