Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm sobbing to NWA
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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