My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Randomize
