I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
