I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
