dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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