There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
