I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
