i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Randomize
