i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
The feeling are messing with the penis
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
