just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
