It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
