i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
