It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
You're earring is so big in my mouth
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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