I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
