Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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