I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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