either way he was missing a nipple.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
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He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
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I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize