His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I have fence marks all over my body
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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