the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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