if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
