Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
party gras won. party gras always wins.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
