Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
