I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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