I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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