Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I think i got beer on your cat.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
