i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
