Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
