They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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