Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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