how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
