I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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