i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
