I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
