That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
