oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
