it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
