in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
