How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
