I think scott just propositioned me for sex
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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