meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
