Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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