id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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