so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
