just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
