last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
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