these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
