Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
