my mouth tastes like poor choices
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
foreskin is a definite game changer
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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