im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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