my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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