...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Randomize
