i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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