OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
