Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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