Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Randomize
