I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Drunk is a universal language darling
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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