He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
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