Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
