I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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