chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
