I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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