just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
