I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
