Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He did a backflip because drugs
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
