I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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