So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
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I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
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Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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