Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize