You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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