Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize