i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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