I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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