i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
