shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
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