I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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